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To paint a scene of mythic horrors
Take dim lit room and darkest corners
Find a child huddled there, cradled tight in his despair
Silent here for not his murmurs,
murmuring out a prayer

He asks the keeper keep to keeping
While all his guardians tucked in sleeping
Ignorant of the shadows creeping
Slow across the hallway floor, standing now outside his door
Somewhere near the sound of breathing,
breaths too heavy to ignore

Then just outside there raised a howl
A distant boom and monstrous growl
Envisions he a ghostly cowl
Afloat across the yard in prowl
Come to steal his soul away, curtains hold the fiend at bay
With scrapes across the window scowls,
scowling out in its dismay

The shutters joined the fray with flapping
Hard against the walls their rapping
While all around began a tapping
With no relent unceasing clapping
the pitter-patter's endless lapping
Solace to the boy then came, raptured from this fearful bane
Slowly drifts his mind towards napping,
napping through a night of rain

Now from this scene we shall take our leave
No horrors left for me to weave
Daylight comes, shadows recede. Weary minds no more to feed
His childish fears forced to perceive,
perceptions turned to ghoulish dreams
This was an idea I have been working on for months. The original two verses of this poem were written in a night and since then it took me F-O-R-E-V-E-R to find an ending I felt was good enough to hold up. I am still a bit iffy on the ending for this one but I am starting to feel rushed to get this out for the holiday.

This piece was heavily inspired by Edgar A. Poe and starts off using a familiar rhyming scheme for Poe's poetry. THe poem attempts to demonstrates how a child's imagination begins to run away on him when he is scared. With each verse he gets more afraid and his mind finds more noises to pick up and exacerbate his fear. This is brought across by adding a line in every verse.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2012-10-23
To Write of Horror by *Anovoca ( Featured by thorns )
:iconssensory:
"He asks the keeper keep to keeping" doesn't sound right to me. I think it should be "He asks the keeper to keep keeping". I really like the whole "keep" thing you have there, though. :la:

"Hard against the window its rapping" the its there should be it's.

"the pitter-patter's endless lapping" "The" should be capitalized. I don't know why the last line in each stanza isn't capitalized. It should be since all the other lines are capitalized, but since it's always the last line (besides one, which I think needs fixed?) I think it's find and you should keep it that way.

One opinion of mine on the grammar is that maybe you should keep in consistent. Like add in periods where it should be. Punctuation really does something for poetry. By using punctuation so much people would read it the way you want them to read it. You don't have to do that if you don't want to, though. Just an opinion. :)

This is not free verse, but it appears to be like free verse to me?

This does seem very Poe like. I like Poe's work. :la:

Vision: A bit of imagery there, that's always good! (I don't know exactly what vision is..)
Originality: it's a little bit original, but the style is a bit similar to Poe and I've read other poems with the style, so 3.5. :D
Technique: It's written nicely, but even after reading it three times I can't find the meaning? The meter seems to be replaced by rhymes a bit, but flows well (mostly because of the rhymes, it is still a good thing).
Impact: this did not strike anything within me at all. It was an interesting read, but it wouldn't stay with me for a long time. Honestly, many poems I read hardly impact me in any way at all, so really this isn't supposed to be as harsh as it's coming off to be, so sorry about that.

Overall, your poem was a very nice read and you definitely do have talent and potential. You did a lovely job! :)
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
13 out of 23 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconone-eyehitomi:
I thought that this was a most excellent piece, not only did you manage to capture my imagination with descriptively creative words, but you also made it rhyme! I thought it was wonderful and dark, which is perfect considering how close Halloween is. ^^

Colored me impressed friend, keep up the good work!

Now, since I don't have anything else to say, I'll just randomly type stuff because there is a 100 word minimum.

A S D F E DF S G DFG G DS DF GFDG S GDFG FG FGD FGD FGDF GF G FG DFG DFG DFG SRT RET E5TW5 4E LOL
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
5 out of 7 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconfrumpelstiltskin:
Frumpelstiltskin Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012
niiiiiceee
Reply
:iconanovoca:
Anovoca Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012   Writer
Thank you :)
Reply
:iconredemmo:
Redemmo Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012
Congratulations on the DD!

I have a critique to submit, and I tend to sound harsher than I intend when I critique, so please don't take the following in a bad way.

I don't really like the longer stanzas. The repetition of the first ending word (howl, growl, cowl) is very simplistic, and starts to wear thin after the second one. The third and fourth start to sound increasingly like everything preceding the rhythmic word is just filler. Then, fortunately, the fifth line breaks the monotony.

I believe that the repetitive parts would sound better if the length was varied more. I think shorter would work better, because then you're not adding more 'filler', and shorter sentences work to increase intensity. Or, maybe you could try a different rhyming scheme. (Sorry, I'm usually more helpful than this, but I'm better with prose than poetry).

There's some good imagery here, and the break of the fifth line does work well, but I just find that the previous lines carry on to long.

And, yes, that definitely sounded harsh, so CONGRATULATIONS ON THE DD! :XD:
Reply
:icondead-existance:
Dead-Existance Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012
Reading this made me smile.
A definitely well deserved DD I'll say.
Reply
:iconanovoca:
Anovoca Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   Writer
And reading this comment made me smile :)Thank You.
Reply
:icondead-existance:
Dead-Existance Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012
No problem! :D
Reply
:icondarkstarwolf53:
DarkstarWolf53 Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is awesome!

Poe would be proud!
Reply
:iconanovoca:
Anovoca Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   Writer
Thanks! That means a lot :)
Reply
:iconvolotation:
volotation Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Student General Artist
c'est bien continue
Reply
:iconanovoca:
Anovoca Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   Writer
:boogie: (no idea what u just said)
Reply
:iconvolotation:
volotation Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Student General Artist
c'est bien la photo
Reply
:iconkallios:
Kallios Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012
Reminds me very strongly of "The Raven" but still with something very unique and original all its own. You've done a great job with this -- keep up the writing!
Reply
:iconanovoca:
Anovoca Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   Writer
Thanks, and I plan on it :)
Reply
:iconseamlessubconscious:
seamlessubconscious Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012
I love this! so wonderfully inspired by Poe--I feel his rhythm throughout the entire piece:)
Reply
:iconanovoca:
Anovoca Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconlostgryphin:
LostGryphin Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
wow - love the imagery - congrats on the DD
Reply
:iconanovoca:
Anovoca Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   Writer
Thanks! :)
Reply
:iconvonawes:
Vonawes Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012
Very, very nice! Is it odd that I used the voice of Vincent Price while I read this?
Reply
:iconanovoca:
Anovoca Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   Writer
It would probablly be weirder if you hadn't
Reply
:iconbrassteeth:
brassteeth Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012
Yes, a well deserved D.D quite POE-etic.
Reply
:iconanovoca:
Anovoca Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   Writer
Thank you
Reply
:iconfisk-hollow:
Fisk-Hollow Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is simply amazing! I felt the Poe influence, but it was definately a work all your own. The build up was fantastic and had me feeling nervous especialy as it went on. Job well done!
Reply
:iconanovoca:
Anovoca Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   Writer
Thanks. I am very glad to hear the style effect worked!
Reply
:iconbebopboy:
Bebopboy Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012
I love this, rarely does fixed form poetry get a DD on here so I was surprised, I love your tone
and rhyme scheme, you create great atmosphere and feeling in every verse, Poe would be proud.
Reply
:iconanovoca:
Anovoca Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   Writer
Thank you, Im glad you think so :)
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Student Writer
Congrats on the DD :D It is well deserved :huggle:
Reply
:iconanovoca:
Anovoca Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   Writer
Thank you! :manhug:
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Student Writer
You're welcome :tighthug:
Reply
:iconrlkirkland:
rlkirkland Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
The flow is very 'Poeish' (a good thing)!
Congratulations on your DD!
Reply
:iconanovoca:
Anovoca Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconai-pyon:
AI-Pyon Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Congratulations for the DD !!
Reply
:iconanovoca:
Anovoca Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   Writer
Thanks
Reply
:iconai-pyon:
AI-Pyon Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012  Student Digital Artist
youre welcome
Reply
:icondagoth-jeff:
dagoth-jeff Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Not too bad, but still very far off from the Raven's formula. The style you made forces you to rhyme a single word many times, beating the crap out of it with a certain desperation. Eventually the words won't rhyme properly and you must twist their proper use to make them work, which won't carry much sense. I'm just sayin; you requested a critique.
Reply
:iconnichrysalis:
Nichrysalis Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This reads to me more like Poe's Israfeli than The Raven. The style the poet made does exactly what you said, and that's beneficial to the mood of the poem.
Reply
:iconvolotation:
volotation Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Student General Artist
c'est ok
Reply
:iconanovoca:
Anovoca Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   Writer
thank you
Reply
:iconvolotation:
volotation Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Student General Artist
c'est bien continue
Reply
:iconnyiana-sama:
Nyiana-sama Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012
:la: Congrats on the daily deviation!
Reply
:iconanovoca:
Anovoca Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   Writer
:la:
Reply
:iconamylouix:
AmyLouix Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Urrgghhh absolutetly fabulous!!
Reply
:iconanovoca:
Anovoca Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   Writer
:D thanks!
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Congrats on the well deserved DD! :heart:
Reply
:iconanovoca:
Anovoca Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   Writer
Thank you :)
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
My pleasure :heart:
Reply
:iconsomnolent-droid:
Somnolent-Droid Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012
I love this, really skillfully written. The flow is great and I knew it was Poe inspired before I read your description. Excellent!
Reply
:iconanovoca:
Anovoca Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012   Writer
Thank you :)
Reply
:iconsomnolent-droid:
Somnolent-Droid Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012
You're very welcome! :)
Reply
:iconpopov89:
popov89 Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I really like the imagery and pacing of the poem. Certainly reminds me of Poe in the best way along with a touch of Lovecraftian ethereal dread.
Reply
:iconanovoca:
Anovoca Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012   Writer
Lovecraft would be my favourite author so I am not surprised a bit of him subconsciously rubbed off on this piece. The fact that you noticed that just by reading pays my a very high complement so thank you very much =)
Reply
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