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October 10, 2012
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To paint a scene of mythic horrors
Take dim lit room and darkest corners
Find a child huddled there, cradled tight in his despair
Silent here for not his murmurs,
murmuring out a prayer

He asks the keeper keep to keeping
While all his guardians tucked in sleeping
Ignorant of the shadows creeping
Slow across the hallway floor, standing now outside his door
Somewhere near the sound of breathing,
breaths too heavy to ignore

Then just outside there raised a howl
A distant boom and monstrous growl
Envisions he a ghostly cowl
Afloat across the yard in prowl
Come to steal his soul away, curtains hold the fiend at bay
With scrapes across the window scowls,
scowling out in its dismay

The shutters joined the fray with flapping
Hard against the walls its rapping
While all around began a tapping
With no relent unceasing clapping
the pitter-patter's endless lapping
Solace to the boy then came, raptured from this fearful bane
Slowly drifts his mind towards napping,
napping through a night of rain

Now from this scene we shall take our leave
No horrors left for me to weave
Daylight comes, shadows recede. Weary minds no more to feed
His childish fears forced to perceive,
perceptions turned to ghoulish dreams
This was an idea I have been working on for months. The original two verses of this poem were written in a night and since then it took me F-O-R-E-V-E-R to find an ending I felt was good enough to hold up. I am still a bit iffy on the ending for this one but I am starting to feel rushed to get this out for the holiday.

This piece was heavily inspired by Edgar A. Poe and starts off using a familiar rhyming scheme for Poe's poetry. THe poem attempts to demonstrates how a child's imagination begins to run away on him when he is scared. With each verse he gets more afraid and his mind finds more noises to pick up and exacerbate his fear. This is brought across by adding a line in every verse.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2012-10-23
To Write of Horror by *Anovoca ( Featured by thorns )
:iconssensory:
"He asks the keeper keep to keeping" doesn't sound right to me. I think it should be "He asks the keeper to keep keeping". I really like the whole "keep" thing you have there, though. :la:

"Hard against the window its rapping" the its there should be it's.

"the pitter-patter's endless lapping" "The" should be capitalized. I don't know why the last line in each stanza isn't capitalized. It should be since all the other lines are capitalized, but since it's always the last line (besides one, which I think needs fixed?) I think it's find and you should keep it that way.

One opinion of mine on the grammar is that maybe you should keep in consistent. Like add in periods where it should be. Punctuation really does something for poetry. By using punctuation so much people would read it the way you want them to read it. You don't have to do that if you don't want to, though. Just an opinion. :)

This is not free verse, but it appears to be like free verse to me?

This does seem very Poe like. I like Poe's work. :la:

Vision: A bit of imagery there, that's always good! (I don't know exactly what vision is..)
Originality: it's a little bit original, but the style is a bit similar to Poe and I've read other poems with the style, so 3.5. :D
Technique: It's written nicely, but even after reading it three times I can't find the meaning? The meter seems to be replaced by rhymes a bit, but flows well (mostly because of the rhymes, it is still a good thing).
Impact: this did not strike anything within me at all. It was an interesting read, but it wouldn't stay with me for a long time. Honestly, many poems I read hardly impact me in any way at all, so really this isn't supposed to be as harsh as it's coming off to be, so sorry about that.

Overall, your poem was a very nice read and you definitely do have talent and potential. You did a lovely job! :)
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
13 out of 23 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconone-eyehitomi:
I thought that this was a most excellent piece, not only did you manage to capture my imagination with descriptively creative words, but you also made it rhyme! I thought it was wonderful and dark, which is perfect considering how close Halloween is. ^^

Colored me impressed friend, keep up the good work!

Now, since I don't have anything else to say, I'll just randomly type stuff because there is a 100 word minimum.

A S D F E DF S G DFG G DS DF GFDG S GDFG FG FGD FGD FGDF GF G FG DFG DFG DFG SRT RET E5TW5 4E LOL
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
5 out of 7 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconfrumpelstiltskin:
Frumpelstiltskin Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012
niiiiiceee
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:iconanovoca:
Anovoca Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012   Writer
Thank you :)
Reply
:iconredemmo:
Redemmo Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012
Congratulations on the DD!

I have a critique to submit, and I tend to sound harsher than I intend when I critique, so please don't take the following in a bad way.

I don't really like the longer stanzas. The repetition of the first ending word (howl, growl, cowl) is very simplistic, and starts to wear thin after the second one. The third and fourth start to sound increasingly like everything preceding the rhythmic word is just filler. Then, fortunately, the fifth line breaks the monotony.

I believe that the repetitive parts would sound better if the length was varied more. I think shorter would work better, because then you're not adding more 'filler', and shorter sentences work to increase intensity. Or, maybe you could try a different rhyming scheme. (Sorry, I'm usually more helpful than this, but I'm better with prose than poetry).

There's some good imagery here, and the break of the fifth line does work well, but I just find that the previous lines carry on to long.

And, yes, that definitely sounded harsh, so CONGRATULATIONS ON THE DD! :XD:
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:icondead-existance:
Dead-Existance Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012
Reading this made me smile.
A definitely well deserved DD I'll say.
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:iconanovoca:
Anovoca Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   Writer
And reading this comment made me smile :)Thank You.
Reply
:icondead-existance:
Dead-Existance Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012
No problem! :D
Reply
:icondarkstarwolf53:
DarkstarWolf53 Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is awesome!

Poe would be proud!
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:iconanovoca:
Anovoca Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   Writer
Thanks! That means a lot :)
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:iconvolotation:
volotation Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Student General Artist
c'est bien continue
Reply
:iconanovoca:
Anovoca Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   Writer
:boogie: (no idea what u just said)
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